Dear Miss Laura,

I'm writing about my brother. He's a 40 year old, married, cross dresser. Our father is the only one who doesn't know about the cross dressing. I have never had a problem with his life-style, in fact I have embraced it and helped him with it. The thing that I don't know how to deal with is that he has cheated on his, then girlfriend, with transvestites.

About 9 years ago he was diagnosed with HIV. To add to all of this he also has a reoccurring drug habit, crystal-meth. I was always really close to him until the last three years or so. He has slowly been pushing the family away, he hasn't talked to my father in at least 8 months. My mother received an e-mail from his wife last week, she's at her wits end. She isn't sure how bad the drug use is, but he has been sneaking out at night in drag to hang out with the transvestite prostitutes that hang out at the corner diner, he started taking female hormones and he is constantly on the computer in chat rooms
(usually sex rooms).

He doesn't care what his wife thinks and is pushing
her away as well. I don't know where to start to help him or if he even wants help. I live in NYC, he lives in L.A. and the rest of the family is scattered through the US. My mother, brother and I know the whole story, my father only knows about the drugs, but we all want to help him. Should my father be told about my brothers life-style? Should we be the ones to tell
my father the whole story? Where can we start to get help for my brother as well as for ourselves? You are the first person I have written, I just don't know where to start.

Sincerely,

Sister

   

Dear Sister;

Your brother's behaviour is very destructive not only to himself but others as well. The fact that he's engaged in two high risk illegal behaviors shows that. He also doesn't seem bothered by the fact that he may be spreading HIV which is considered criminal.

I agree with you that he does need help. The problem is no one will help him until he gets off the drugs. He needs to get himself into a drug rehab
center immeadiatly. His wife alsso needs to lay down the law and tell him his behaviour is not acceptable and its either drug rehab o else then follow through with it.. If she doesn't do this then he is being enabled. He needs to see how many lives he is in the process of destroying.

He certainly is much more than a Crossdresser and since he is taking hormones is likely Transsexual which means he feels like a woman trapped in
a man's body. It also seems highly probable that he may be engaging in prostitution himself. With HIV he likely feels he has nothing left to loose which is a dangerous concept. If he looses his wife, he will loose a great deal.

Ater his drug use is eliminated then he should see a Gender Therapist to help him
straighten out his life if possible. Certainly he would not be a candidate for SRS Sex Reassignment surgery with HIV. It is possible but not likely. Your brother also may be Obssesive compulsive OCD which can be helped with medication from a Psychiatrist.

Why do you feel your father couldn't handle the truth? I would advise that the Transgendered person should be the one to out themselves not others because its a personal choice.

These links will help:
Nar-Anon
Narcotics Annonymous

We do have meeting for wives and family of Transgendered in our chatroom every Saturday night at 7:00Pm Eastern time. . Please join us for support.

Please bear in mind that allTransgendered don't act like your brother does. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to write me anytime. I care. If your brother needs to contact me he can reach me at
lauraann.amato@comcast.net
Give him the website address as well.

Hugs,
Laura Amato
Laura's Playground