Coming Out: My Transsexual Biography
Who is she? well about 5ys old tryed to show her true self with the family but putting on her sisters dresses and playing with the dolls and girls toys because i had 2 sisters just to find out that i was different and was told that if i didnt want someting cut off i better quit putting on girls clothes and playing with the girls toys. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Next recall of something was not right i started at age 11 to dress up in my older sisters clothes when they were not home and fianlly got caught and got a good talkin to by the parents and was refered to a theripist for menntal disorder. The out come of that was that i was just depressed and was seeking attention. What they didnt know was i was also trying on my mothers clothes also.
The theripist convinced me i had to stop doing this and show more of my maskulen side and grow up. Another key thing is i found out in my teen years that i had more in common with the girls than i did with the boys but the girls just wanted to be friends hmmmm guess i was just to fem for them to think of me anyother way.
From their i went into the military and got married and divorced 4 times and most of it was due to i have more of a fem side than Male side persona and personality. After i retired from the military i stated experimenting with crossdressing in private and not dare tell anyone i would ordrer thur the internet and pick things up claiming to be my girlfriends birthday present or sister or mother anything i could think of to obtain female clothing that would make me feel right.
I was still having problems dealing with life so i had contated my theripist and started being real honest with her after a couple years she told me she couldnt see me anymore becasue she was getting to personally involved. That didnt help the one person I trusted bailed out on me. That really hurt my feelings and gave me major distrust in seeking help. So what should i do ? I knew that i felt like a real and whole person while i was dressed as a female inside the house but was scared to go into public thinkin that someone would reconize me. Well after about 1yr the female side of me had grown strong with the support of being by myself and dressing when i could. OK its time i said to myself so i started going out late at night just driving around OMG it was so good to get out of the house as Becky it was like a whole new world i couldnt believe it. I wasnt sure how to handle it.
Ok now my inhabitions are diminishing i started to go out during the day not to any businesses or stores just driving around and Becky loved it but i had to make a living and was and still working as a male but when the time clock rings Becky comes to life in everyway. So what should i do i start to get lonley and started to go to church and confided in a paster and he told me that what i was doing was a mortal sin and i believed him as hard as it was i tried and i say tried because thats what it was so the next mistake i made was getting married and of course i had to purge all my female clothing and make up and shoes i had collected over the years becuse i thought that getting married was the answer to fulfil my fem side of Becky NOT it only lasted 6months and the new wife found a little stash of fem clothes an full breast enhansers. Well to say the least marriage over she told me on Tuesday that she was leaving on Friday and Poof she was gone.
Now where are you? Beckys callin and yes i finally seen another theripist and we discussed all that had happen and thats finally when i found out about Gender Disorder and that i was denieing that i was transsexual transgender and had Becky that was me and had to let her out. So whats the first thing you do ? Inform parents inform friends well for Becky that didnt go so well all and everyone has outed me as a outcast a freak or queer. So at last i had come to accept myself but nobody else would , what do i do now and yes your right back to the theripist because hes the one that told me to be honest with the family and friends. He suggested that i get involved in a transgender group of some sort but opps non within driving distance soooooooooo he said at the veryleast find ya a chat room to meet people like you and discuss whats happening to you.
Oddly enough its strange seems like i was drawn straight to Laura's Playground Chat room its the first and only one i have been to but was met with open arms and understanding and had a chance to chat with real people who had my same real problems and i draw from this a lot of strength an cofidence. I have spent so much time their that people tell me i help them and i still cant to this day figure out how i just try to be nice , understanding and listen to their problems like mine were when i first got their as most of you well know i was picked out as being a Moderator for the chat room which in its own way has given me pride and self esteam which i havent had for a long time i take it very seriously being a Moderator for the chat room because sometime you have a life in your hands. These people's feelings are bent batterered smash and made to feel like their unwanted like i did so i am very careful with the people i talk to . to try to help as much as i can sometimes just me having gone thru with what they have helps them know their not alone now i know im not alone after being in this chat room and now am on my true path seein a good theripist HRT and lookin at down the road school job change and on to the real life test before surgery. With that said thank you for reading my story and let me know what ya think.