My Life: Christine Louise Barber
A Transsexual Biography
Well here goes, bare my soul to the world, I was born Ronald Ian in 1942, and my earliest memories are of around four or five I had an older sister and at the time lived next door to my cousin, these were good times as she hated her clothes and I hated mine so we used to swap I would wear hers and she would wear mine, we would play in the garden for hours on end untill one day my Mother caught us then all hell broke loose, we were banned from seeing each other and I did miss that so very much. Then after a while my Mother caught me wearing my sisters clothes. This I had been doing for a long time. She beat me for this with a large piece of wood she used when boiling clothes on washday (mondays, but I just couldn't stop and the beatings went on and on and got worse.
There was one time when my sister tried to stop her and got the same as well, I lost count of the bleeding noses and bruises on my face and back, and then at around fifteen all those memories were taken away from me thankfully (explain further on). At fifteen I got great pleasure from embroidery and knitting I used to embroider all the then pop stars all over my shirts, I did many for friends all were girls, I can remember my Mother saying to one of them that I was more girl than boy.
I found it so very hard to find anything in common with boys and I found that I even disliked them. I left school and went to work in a factory. There I was told that I would have to have a nickname as there were already nine Ronalds there one being the boss. At the time Chris Barber and his Jazz Band were all the rage (yes that long ago) and as we shared the same surname. I became Chris, then after a while that was changed to Christine because of my embroidered shirts. I think that the fellow who started that thought that it would annoy me, but I loved it (hence my name of now).
I had a relationship with a young lady we were by then both eighteen but it didn't last long. We split up because she just could not understand my fascination with her clothes. They were all lacy and frilly. They were gorgeous to me.
Then at twenty I joined the Army. Their advertisment said we will make a man of you, but they couldn't and I spent the last three years of nine working as silverman in the officers mess. During that time I was asked to play records in their bar (I was ordered to) a couple of nights a week. After a while they had a fancy dress ball. I was told that I would have to be in drag. WELL that needed no order at all. A couple of the wives were asked to help me with clothes and makeup and they did a good job on me. Well me being in drag became a very popular thing and people came from all over the place for drinks. This became my regular job, it was a wonderfull time for me as I was able to dress when I liked (well I had to practice) they didnt mind as long as I didn't go outside, but I did sneek out when I could.
I left the Army in 1971 and got married. In the beginning, all was fine. She became pregnant. Previously she had thee children from her first marriage. Two of them stayed with the father and the other one, the youngest stayed was with us. He later in life joined the Airforce, but unfortunately he commited suicide while on duty. on Ascention Island.
The other child my Daughter is in a long term gay relationship and is very happy. My wife had two heart attacks and had bypass surgery. Then in 1996 had another and died. Throughout our married life we were realy just good friends who shared the same house. You see she just could not accept what I was. After her death my inner soul exploded into life, and I had no control over it. I thought if it's to be then I have to do something about it.
Six years ago I had regression therapy with a Hypnotherapist I was regressed back to four years old and all was recorded on tape. Afterwards I listened to the tape and was reduced to tears by what I heard. The beatings were horrific and went on untill my Mother was tired. Then she would stop. Afterwards I was black and blue and bleeding. Sorry I can't go any further on this. It's too upsetting, even after all these years.
Then the young lady Hpnotist asked if I wanted the tape and I said no. So she unplugged the mike and pressed the record button to get rid of it. Even she had tears in her eyes. She asked if I wanted the memories. I said no thanks. She put me under again and locked them away thankfully. She said I may get a memory from time to time, and I do on ocasions. She said your brain sometimes locks away memories to save you the trauma.
Then six years ago I found my way to Dr Reid Psychiatrist who diagnosed me as a clasic Transsexual. He works in conjuction with my General Practicioner and I was started on Hormone treatment.
Then five years ago I had a serious heart attack that was not thought to have been caused by the Hormone treatment but by the job I had (stress). I am now dissabled so the job is no longer a problem. I changed my name legaly at the start of treatment to the dismay of all around me. They couldn't understand that I have been Christine since I was sixteen. I chose Louise as that was my wifes favourite name. She always wished it had been hers. That brings me just about up to date, exept that I will be on my current treatment for life as my Asthma and heart condition prevents any form of surgry. I was very late getting going but I am happy now that I am me at last, nearly 63...
Christine Louise Barber.
At last my story it is cast,
It isnt the future it is my past,
I found the courage to put it down,
It is in print and I will not frown,
The strength to do it came from here,
Although that person is nowhere near,
Their writings gave me the push to do,
What I have written to read for you,
Oh such an inspiration are they to me,
As before to do it I could not see,
I wrote much more at the very start,
But most of it is there not just a part,
I could not finish the real bad bit,
But I hope you have the gist of it,
For it did bring me floods of tears,
More than I have had for years,
But then my story it is cast,
Been and done it here at last,
I went to bed and sleep cant find,
This poem was running around my mind,
I suppose its because I have bared my soul,
My story is written I have reached my goal,
At last my story it is cast,
It isnt the future it is my past.