My Life: Twocups
A Transsexual Biography
OK, lets see how best I can answer the When? , the What caused it? and the What the heck to do about it?
Well, when I was about five, I can remember cutting up materials to make dresses for myself. My grandmother was a designer's seamstress, and I would watch her work. I still like to sew. Needless to say, this did not go over well and my grandmother was asked to leave. My last memory of her was her throwing
down a candy to me, and cautioning me that no one should know. I was not allowed to see her anymore.
I vaguely remember a trip to the psychologist's office, with a lot of head shaking.. but I was still very young. This was the 50's. There was a great campaign to "toughen" me up...make me "fly straight".. which sadly my older brother took to heart... he still has guilt over what he did in our youth..
There are many victims in hatred and prejudice. Lots of persistent teasing, punches..harsh words etc..were used over the years. It
did not work. When you are in this..in the beginning, you don't know that they are wrong..you only imagine that you are wrong because you do not fit in with the "tribe". But who you are is a persistent thing, and no matter how you play the game, or overplay a macho role to fit it.. your truth is still with you.. and if you do not open to it, if you spend all of your energy trying to keep yourself in prison.. then you will suffer the consequence of such an effort...if not kill
the beautiful spark of life which enlivens you with spirit.. IE: you make yourself "dead" to fit in.. But it is too expensive.. and more forces than you know.. your angel guides and spirit helpers at the very least, are there for you to use what you are to expand and blossom...not whither and die.
Meanwhile, there were other things going on too. I have spoken in tongues since I was a child as well..and still do (glossolalia), and had some clairvoyant an clairaudio experiences.. So if crossdressing does not get you into trouble, then do so and speak in tongues, or see an angel.. or in a game with a playmate, focus
and scare the crap out of him by making twelve dice come up all sixes on three consecutive throws.. and believe me, it will dawn upon you that you DO NOT FIT IN.
So with most of this, I try to live undercover.. and not let people know what I am about. In some primitive societies, you would be a shaman,..in others, you would be burned.. but in this society, you
would be put in a rubber room, or "medicated". I spent some time in a monastery as a postulant, but it became evident that their beliefs were very contrary to my world view..and I was more or less pushed out. Later, I showed up at my preinduction physical in drag...Ft. Hamilton... during Vietnam...an interesting story, but not for here.. yet still, there was one young man who came to me fascinated.. as if he wanted to learn something from me..he was searching with his eyes.. and I realized there, that there may
be a need.. that there are others something like me, who may be in need of support too.. For me, being TG is a very isolated existance surrounded by unsympatheticpeople.
In later years, I attended Tri-Ess meetings, and wondered if this was for me?... especially when they kicked out a member who had a sex change..silly...Before, that person was highly esteemed.. and now she was dirt...unconscious behavior? Soon after, an author, Adrienne Caine told me at a meeting that I was very different from most of the members..(I had just written an article for him) I felt that even among the crossdressers, I did not fit
in... Yet still, while there, a young member told me how his family had said to him, " What you are is against God!!!".. and I tried to tell him that it was quite the reverse...(I did not mention the visions which supported my position) I told him, that God loves you, more than you could believe.. and that you are this way for a special reason, and that being TG is part of a spiritual path God uses in this world for Goodness.. but he would not listen. About a month later came an anouncement..the young fellow had killed
himself in a car accident.. a great tragedy.. which underscored to me, that the ignorance should not be allowed to cause such great damage.
So basically, I later became an engineer, and then I became an artist, and eventually a Universalist Minister of sorts. I then started writing for Francis Heller's newsletter: "The Love Letter".... which was an outreach publication. After her death, I began
writing in Transpirits, and other yahoo groups, as well as a couple of religious organizations who include them in their newsletters. I do not send in to many poetry groups because it is not really poetry as most people would think.. its more clairaudio stuff
coupled with some sort if message. I have two memorial sculptures in a major Government building.. and am applying for a grant at the moment for a much more ambitious sculpture...money is not easy. I have also been trained in Therapeutic Touch, which I use directly, and often send prayer handkerchiefs to people at a distance who request them for healing of some sort.
So...as best as I can figure.. it is not what you imagine yourself to be.. it is what you do with it.. its how you think... what attitudes and energies you let into yourself that matters.. your thinking, your beliefs and desires create what you will become..both
in this life and the next...nor are you alone in this..you have angels and spirit helpers with you always. Part of the deal.. is remembering who you really are.. learning to listen to the guidance that is always there.. within you, and outside of you.. finding your conscience, finding your intuition, which the tribe loves to kill.. and finding strength through the Love that the Holy showers you with... Its like the movie, the Lion King... "remember".... Shamans
have very often been TG people.. why do you think that is?... "remember" Who you are...both nothing, and everything, both empty, and full...and "a pencil in the hand of God". Being TG is not an accident.. you wrote it into your script before you came here.. but the trick.. is to learn how to use it for Goodness..how it can help you discover the Holy in everything.. because, it is also, a gift you wrote in for yourself,which comes from God.. to help lead you
home to a more genuine spritual level.. Like androgony, or the Tao yin/yan symbol, everything is connected.. there is no separation..and much of what people assume as rock solid and literal, is pure illusion..
Being TG means you are dealing with symbols and energy.. with Being.. and Becoming... and with Light, as it moves through you, and as you learn to balance it. It means you are in transition on
spiritual planes.. Maybe that is why people are so afraid of people who are TG? We challenge their comfortable illusions? But,we did not come into this world to eat and make money..and support lies to do so... we came into this world to Become, and to be as the Light we allow to shine through us.