Poems by Christine

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Poems by Christine Barber

Inside or out

It is not me the one you see,
I am the one inside,
Oh not to be the one you see,
But to be the one inside,
I struggled long I struggled hard,
To hide the one inside,
But in the end I had to send,
The one you see inside,
And now you see I am inside out,
Of that there is no doubt.


All the time

When you have felt like this for years,
It sometimes brings you lots of tears,
Friends and family dont understand,
They think you should just be a MAN,
Do they not realize this is not you,
Its something you have to see through,
Its no good to try and fight,
You could never ever get that right,
It would only end in pain,
To be then left out in the rain,
See a Doctor who does care,
Then you seem to get somewhere,
Slowly you begin to grow,
Look in the mirror and think (do they show),
Skin on the face gets clearer,
Oh Lord what you so desire gets nearer,
But lots of patience you will need,
It does not happen with any speed,
Hospital done and over,
Then you feel you are in clover,
You are now who you have been all a long.


Oh So Wrong

I sceam I shout,
Please let me out,
I dont belong in here,
You made me wrong,
I dont belong,
I should not be in here,
How could you make,
This huge mistake,
How come you made me WRONG.


Thanks to Laura

It seems to me as time goes by,
The once had friends they say goodbye,
It seems that they dont want to know,
I suppose its best that they just go,
But when you search the world wide web,
You will find a place that has lots of cred,
Its Laura's Playground and its the best,
Although for me its way out west,
If chat is what you want to do,
Chat rooms there are quite a few,
And if you want to speak your mind,
Then lots of FORUMS you will find,
If friends are what you really need,
You will find there are lots (spend time and read),
Theres so much info you can get,
you sure will love it you can bet,
Thanks to Laura we have a home,
You will no longer need to ROAM.


The Place to Be

Lauras Playground is the place to be,
so come inside look and see,
Do you want to chat all day,
There are lots of chat rooms so chat away,
Forums of plenty to speak your mind,
Theres everything here I think you will find,
Even downloads that are free,
This really is the place to be,
If you have looked at other sites,
Well now your here youve got it right,
Laura and all will welcome you,
Theres not a lot you have to do,
For you to register it is free,
This really is the place to be.


A Female

When I was young only just five,
So happy was I to be alive,
My Sisters clothes were what I wore,
And my cousins too that's for sure,
My Mother caught me dressed one day,
She said to me that's not the way,
You should wear what I do give,
But thats not the way I wanted to live,
And threats were all that came to me,
She said Oh dear someone might see,
What on earth would the neighbours think,
To see you out there wearing pink,
She wouldn't listen to how I felt,
Just went and got the leather belt,
After a while the bruising went,
Then I just had to relent,
Years and years went rushing by,
Lots of nights I'd sit and cry,
I hated the life that I was in,
To me it really was such a sin,
And in the end I had to admit,
I am not male even a little bit,
A she that me----I'm not a he,
And thats the way it has to be,
A FEMALE YES THATS WHAT I AM.


Special one

There are times when you just need a friend,
And the days go by and never end,
It sometimes seems that life's just a bind,
And no one really cares that's what you find,
Some one to chat to with a cup of tea,
A friend you need to help you feel free,
Free of the chains that tie you down,
To be yourself and loose your frown,
Be accepted for just what you are,
The used to be friends long gone afar,
So sad you feel your life's but a joke,
A joke maybe to some uninformed folk,
But on the receiving end it isn't so funny,
To get where you want costs lots of money,
But money is what we don't all posses,
So go on just as you are I guess,
There's not much else that you can do,
Until that SPECIAL ONE comes to you,
Then your low days will all be gone,
No longer to be the lonely one,
Oh SPECIAL ONE please come to me,
I have lots and lots of LOVE for THEE,
Oh if only.


This wonderful day

Long time ago I was feeling so low,
I wished that my life would go,
I tried like many to end it all,
Then a friend decided to call,
She helped me out and got me through,
Oh lord a friend who was true,
She stayed with me the whole night long,
And convinced me what I'd done was wrong,
I struggled long for peace of mind,
But this I could not find,
This soul inside was fighting out,
Of that there was no doubt,
I had to get some help some how,
But where and who and now,
I tried a place that was way up north,
But the trip it was not worth,
I tried the phone for hours on end,
I was going around the bend,
Gay switchboard was my last resort,
An understanding voice did come,
Oh joy was this the one,
So happy was I to have made that call,
At last to break through that wall,
A number came to me that night,
But to ring it Oh such fright,
The number ringing about noon next day,
What would I need to say,
The voice that answered was Oh so kind,
It fair did ease my mind,
London Institute the voice did say,
Oh lord I am on the way,
Appointment made for thee weeks tine,
How does it work do you stand in line,
No you sit in a nice comfy chair,
And wait to be called to where?,
Your nerves are calmed with a nice hot drink,
What will I say what will he think,
Your mind is racing will I get through,
By now you've finished that nice hot brew,
Your the next one to go in, in a while,
Then Dr Reid greats you with a smile,
You go on in for your interview,
This sort of thing is new for you,
Out you come your feeling relieved,
Dr Reid did listen you are believed,
At last to be who you really are.

This wonderfull day my life was saved,
My new life given by Dr Reid.


My Past

At last my story it is cast,
It isnt the future it is my past,
I found the courage to put it down,
It is in print and I will not frown,
The strength to do it came from here,
Although that person is nowhere near,
Their writings gave me the push to do,
What I have written to read for you,
Oh such an inspiration are they to me,
As before to do it I could not see,
I wrote much more at the very start,
But most of it is there not just a part,
I could not finish the real bad bit,
But I hope you have the gist of it,
For it did bring me floods of tears,
More than I have had for years,
But then my story it is cast,
Been and done it here at last,
I went to bed and sleep cant find,
This poem was running around my mind,
I suppose its because I have bared my soul,
My story is written I have reached my goal,
At last my story it is cast,
It isnt the future it is my past.


Thanks

Today I feel I am twenty feet tall,
To Laura and co I owe it all,
But not forget all other members,
Your help and advice I will remember,
Without your kind words given quite free,
What would I have done where would I be,
I did not realise how I was depressed,
But then I suppose you all would have guessed,
It was me under that big black cloud,
But today after my shout aloud,
The sun does shine and I feel free,
I owe you ALL you don't owe ME,
My story told for all to see,
THANK YOU.


Main Page

On Laura's main page she says sugar and spice,
Well at just thirteen years old she realy is nice,
She goes on to say about jumping the rope,
Oh dear Laura with that I couldnt cope,
I dont think hopscotch for me's a good thing,
But throwing a few jacks do you sit in a ring,
With friends and good partner I know you can cope,
But my mind keeps coming back to that flipin rope,
And all those animated site pals,
They sure will please all the galls,
Now on line games they dont sound to rough,
Then you say theres a page of fun stuff,
Ah on line polls now they dont sound hard,
Oh lord I hope doing this i'm not bared.

Laura's is the place for me,
A home for you come in and see,
Under scrutiny no not on here,
Relax there's nothing here to fear,
And there's not a single charge,
Security on here Oh thats large,

Play to your hearts content,
Look around be here you are meant,
Anything you would like to do,
Yes it's all here and free for you,
Games are there for you to play,
Rooms for chat are here to stay,
Online polls they are also free,
Upset it's for sure you will not be,
Nothing left out I think you will find,
Dress if you like we sure wont mind.


Ecstatic

For so long now I have tried to forget my male past,
And now with a piece of paper it's happend at last,
For now the past me will be gone for good,
But understand I'm not sure if you would,
Although there is one thing that I have to say,
For I do feel a little bit sad in a way,
The male that was is no more,
I never felt I was, that's for sure,
For the records now say a Girl was born that day,
So wonderful to think that it refers to (me) that way,
It's amazing that it's happend at all,
For a long time I felt I had hit a wall'
But now it's all over and done,
It means it's me I am the one,
A Female,
Ecstatic that's all that I can say.


The Summers a Coming

The winter is here it makes me glum,
For gone is the warm summer sun,
The tree in my garden has golden leaves,
Soon all will be gone I believe,
Then it will be bare and looking forlorn,
But then I wont have to mow the lawn,
Find things to do around the house,
I live here alone I have no spouse,
Mind you I have a dog for me to care,
I take her for walks we go here and there,
The weather is colder have to wrap up warm,
Go out regardless if there is a storm,
The heating is on to keep out the chill,
Hope I can manage to pay the bill,
Before you know it it's dark again,
Maybe would be better to live in spain,
I wonder do they get bad weather as well,
We did have some sun today for a spell,
But it didnt last very long,
And the sun wasnt strong,
Oh well chear up the summers a coming.