Poems by Jennifer

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Poems by Jennifer Jedi

And When…?

(Working title)

Everywhere I go, whomever I speak to
I wear a mask and armor

In a sense I find myself fighting me and the world
Always warring, never stopping

The masks, to fool them to thinking im someone im really not
The armor, the stereotypical burden that im too cowardly to abandon

On the Internet I can find a place with those most like me
But it’s not totally secure, so I hold back, wearing a thin half-mask

Then I’m invited to a playground, a joyous place
Where I can be totally myself
Where I can lose the armor and unmask my face

For a time, im the real me
But then, time runs out, or I need to go outside for some reason
And the mask and armor go back on

But I see the light on the other side of night
And know, to be myself, I must lose control and give up the fight

The questions I ask myself and get no answer
how will I gain the courage to be myself, to lose the armor and masks forever?
And when…?

(c) J. dean, may/June 2005