Laura's
Playground presents the Transgendered Poetry of Diego a fourteen year
old Female to male (FTM) teen.
A
Look in the Mirror
I
look in the mirror but It's not me
I look at the person that they can't see.
The church says no, you can't do that
you can't be Diego, or we'll turn our backs.
We'll kick you out, there's no excuse,
you must stop dreaming, there is no use.
You're not a boy, you're only a girl,
We don't care how much you world will swirl.
With confusion and pain, you cannot change
your gender is girl, anything else Is strange
and will not be tolerated within our walls
you change yourself and we'll make you fall.
I have my dreams of becoming a dad
and becoming a man but to them thats bad.
To them that's wrong, but how can this be?
Doesnt god love everyone? Even me?
If he loves me he'll want me to find my true self
If he loves me he knows me and knows how I felt.
If he knew how I felt then he sees in my eye,
If he see's me then why is he letting me cry?
To me, It's not just changing the way that I dress,
It's letting me sleep at night, letting me rest.
Laying my head down, feeling complete,
Introducing myself confidently to the people I meet.
Going through life atleast knowing my name,
Atleast knowing my identity without any shame.
Memories of pain, memories of sorrow,
Memores of maybe having a different tomarrow.
Nothing has changed, and it never will,
Seems like time has stopped and stood still.
I'll never get out of here, look's like I'm stuck,
Wish life was fair, but I'm all out of luck.
Inside
Out
Something
inside of me doesn't feel right,
Something is different in the air tonight.
I try to explain how I feel inside,
I feel like a guy but that's not all right.
What would I give to just feel okay,
Maybe I will, maybe someday,
If I could just change to the little boy in me,
If I could just break through this cage and be free.
I would give my world just to be him,
I hope that this feeling isn't a sin.
I don't want to lose all that I have,
But I just cannot take it, I'm going mad.
It can't be the devil, its just too real,
It has to be me, it's the way that I feel.
I know that god loves me, this isn't a curse,
It's just a challenge I was given at birth.
It's here to help me so that I can help others,
The world calls me a girl but I'm more like my
brothers.
Just a little bit longer and I'm at the top,
But if I cant be him, then my soul will just drop.
I'll quiver and shake if it can't come true,
I'll slip and break is all I'll do.
One day, I pray, that I'll be Diego,
That's who I am, that's all that I know.
