Transsexual Transition: Fantasy vs. Reality
by Laura Amato
You heard it, the bellringing or you've seen it, the vision. Some would call it a spiritual revealation. You've had it and now you have no choice you have to do something about it. You are at the gates of "Transition". Are you in the "Twilight Zone"? Perhaps you are.
Oh, you always knew you were a woman inside. You formed your defenses and found ways to cope. Yet you did nothing about it, until now. Its too strong to avoid any longer. You have to be the woman you are and so it begins. You are scared and you'd be nuts not to be. Everything in your whole life that you've ever known is about to change. The good news is that the re-creator is going to be you. You are about to create your greatest work. What comes out of this is up to you. PREPARE! PREPARE! PREPARE!
You've been to the gender therapist and you have your hormone script in hand. So you're ready to sit back and wait for new growth on your chest, sit back and watch yourself turn into a woman. NO! NO! NO!
The Transition here is not just physical. It is spiritual, mental and emotional. True, you could just add to the old shell and keep all the baggage that made you miserable all your life. You wouldn't get far out of the gate though. Building on your old self could be a disaster.
Here is the opportunity of a lifetime. You can create an entirely new you, from the ground up, just brimming with self esteem and confidence. The person you create from your own ingredients will have a much better chance to make it to womanhood. What a gal! Woof! That-a-girl. Your aura is so bright. Again we are not talking about the physical here.
So lets put the old you over here and disassemble it. Now pull out all the parts of you that you liked and put it over there on the other side. Lesse, nice smile, bits of the personality, experience, Problem solving ability. As you are the creator just pick out what you want. No matter how bad you thought you were you'll find some usful things to use from the old you. OK, now you can sweep what you don't want into the bin below. Gone, good.
Now we'll use the center to create our new inner soul and our masterpiece. First though we have to build on a strong base with something you never had before, Self Esteem. Be generous with that ingredient now. we can't skimp. more, more, now Stir. Now add new ingredients. What kind of person do you want to be? Add new morals and politics and plenty of spirituality. Add personality, wisdom, new hobbies and all the ingredients you saved from your old self. Stir vigorously. Voila! Your masterpiece is finished and the old inner stress and chaos is gone. Now drink. If you spent plenty of brain power into your creation it will be delicous. Remember this is no five minute job. The time you spend on this is well worth it. You have just created and consummed your inner woman. It is a part of you now. Don't ever lose that. You will need all your strength for the next steps.
Ok, we're done now right? No, we have only just begun (Music swelling to the lyrics). Now we start on step two:
You're now ready to face some rather distasteful and painful tasks. You need to come out to your friends family and co-workers and bosses. The thinking here to prepare you is that you may loose everything and everyone. Anything above that is pure gold. Remember that much of their fury and rejection is for the sex change procedure itself. They don't understand or don;t believe in it. Your best attempts at explanations may have no effect on them. That would be perfectly normal. This is where you find out how much you really mean to people. If they cannot back you up it should end here. You have done nothing wrong. You were born with this and have had internal pain for years. This will take all of your newly found self esteem. While it will hurt, you know what you have to do to be yourself. There are no compromises here. For the first time in your life you are standing up for yourself and all you now represent. Be proud of who you are. You are asking for nothing less then their total support. You deserve nothing less. The smoke is starting to clear and those family members and friends who are still standing are your true friends and family. The others wern't there for you. Mark it all in your memory. In my case I lost 1 family member and my two best friends. I lost the ones I thought I'd keep and kept the ones I thought I'd lose. It wasn't at all what I expected. In time some may come around but don't hold your breath.
There are very few places where laws have been passed to protect Transsexuals. This means you have to have an alternate plan in place if you lose your job. Save as much as you can first so you have some money set aside if your transition on the job goes awry. Prepare your Resume. Take any courses you need to enhance job skills.
Be aware that once you;ve told your management team at work that you are Transsexual that it is possible that you may be harrassed. If you start noticing that they are documenting everything you do its possible that they are trying to usher you out the door through trumped up charges. Nothing you do will stop this. Just document what's happening and Start looking for other work. Certainly you can sue for discrimination but in the meantime you have to eat. Court cases can take years to play themselves out.
Count yourself lucky if you are working for one of the larger companies with a Human Resource Department. Transitioning transsexual will be treated better here. This doesn't mean you won't have problems though. Some co-workers will stop taking to you and gossip behind your back. Others will make comments just short of harrassment. This is where all that pre transition work you did on your inner self will come in handy. Let your personality come through and you'll start making small gains.
Make sure that you straighten out whoch bathrooms you are going to use.
Putting it Together
Make sure you truely understand the True reasons you want (GRS). See the options towards the end of this article. Be honest with yourself.
Your electrolysis should be nearly complete by now. Its tough to look feminine if you have beard stubble to prepare for your next appointment.
Are you planning on Facial Feminization Surgery or hair transplants? Ideally you should complete it before transisition if possible.
Research Sex Reassignment (SRS) Surgery and pick the doctor you want to use. Book your surgery now. Many have long waiting lists.
Your next step should be to get a legal name change. In most cases you won't need a lawyer. It will depend on your state laws if your gender marker gets changed or not. Once you have your name change you will have to change every record you possibly can, Birth Certificate, Social Security Drivers license, Medical Records and insurance, Acadamic records, licenses and certificates and degrees.
Put your new wardrobe together. Remember that most women don't wear dresses all the time and neither should you. Start working on creating your own personal look. Get a makeover and learn how to recreate it. Keep in mind that in makeup, less is more. You want to blend in with other women not stand out.
Work on your female voice. There are some great cd's and DVD's that show you how.
By now your hormones may be starting to kick in. Your body is in the puberty of a 13 year old and your age is the same in your new womanhood as well. If you haven't already you need to start talking, acting walking and geturing as a woman. One thing you'll have to work on is that teenage impulsiveness and any tendancy towards the outragous. You may start developing new intrests and hobbies. Remember growth here is essential to the mature woman you wish to become.
Now that your preparation is complete you are ready to transition. There will be bad days and bad and awkward moments. Try to learn from them and move on. Learn to keep yourself safe. There will be good days as well. Remember that not everyone is nice, some will be downright nasty.
Your mind and body is moving closer to your goal. The closer you get to it your orientation will start to become clearer. Don't be surprised if what you like starts to change. It can happen for some. Some will use this time to decide what they want. Becoming intimate will be awkward until your mind and body are one. This can be a dangerous time for you. If you plan to be intimate remeber that men will not want to be surprised in the bedroom. Doing so could make you another violent statistic and add you to our list of dead. Be Safe.
You've researched Gender Reassignment surgery and booked your surgeon. The date for your Gender Change is fast approaching. Now is the final time you will have to change your mind. You need to seriously examine your motives and be absolutely sure. Complete reversal isn't possible to restore your genitals to where they are now. They will never be the same again.
Realize that a significant amount of Post-op Transsexuals are NOT ORGASMIC. Can you live with that? If you answer NO to that question you should not get the surgery under any Circumstances. Talk to the Post-ops in your chatrooms and forums. They can give you a possible glimpse into your future.
Consider the non-op option. You have gone through transition and you are now living as a woman. You've done the hard work necessary to survive. You can continue to live this way. There is no shame in deciding to keep the genitals that work for you now. Forget the labels. Continue with your Facial Feminization surgeries if you'd like. Just don't get the sex change. You'd be much happier this way. No one will know if you don't tell them.
There are some Post-ops that wish that they did not go through the surgery. They would have been non-ops if they had explored that option. Some didn't and regret it now. You cannot bring your genitals back.
There is a reason Transsexuals tell you that is about gender. They are not just talking through their wigs. If your PRIMARY reason for having SRS is SEX it is the wrong reason. You will deeply regret surgery and may be more depressed and suicidal afterwards. Your genitals will never be the same again. So if you're a Crossdresser who wants breasts or someone who just wants to look like a woman you can do that. Transisition and live life as a woman and be happy. Don't though get SRS.
For those who do get the surgery. Congratulations! You've now discovered that you were a woman all along.
I realize that this article may anger some and that's ok. If it stops one person from making a huge mistake, it is well worth it. If you have constructive or helpful comments to improve this article Please discuss it in the forums.