Without the Dress

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Yes, But Can You Do it Without the Dress?

by Laura Amato


As Transgendered folk we spend most of our lives in conflict between our male and female selves. We slide back and forth like a Yo-yo on a string. Is it any wonder that we are confused? We categorize this gesture as female and reject it, when in our male selves, and embrace it in our female ones. Why? Its because we have a secret and we throw up a wall to defend what we don't want others to see.

We loathe our other side and we want all physical and emotional ties to it to simply disappear. If we supress it, well so be it and good riddance to it.

The reasons we do this makes perfect sense except when you consider that all emotionally healthy men and women have a balanced blend of the Male and the Female. Since we're always busy supressing one side or the other we don't always see that.

As a transitiong Male to Female Transsexual I ran into a normal everday crisis and I discovered a startling fact. I left my crisis solving ability in my other (male) pants along with my direction finder, logic, assertivenes fearlessness and a whole lot of other talents I used to have.

They were gone because I made the break with the male side of me. So I started thinking about him and discovered that he really wasn't such a bad guy. While somethings should stay exclusive to him why couldn't I borrow a few traits I needed for my new reborn female self.

So I did what most female partners do eventually. I reached into his pants hanging on the chair and retrieved what I needed. I took a tad of his problem solving and a cup of that outgoing personality along with the directions to that hard to find mall and oh yes a dollar or two and beat a hasty retreat.

As my female self I smiled rationalizing that, why shouldn't I go into his pants? He'd certainly spend a life time trying to get into mine. Maybe the other side isn't the enemy after all. Now all I have to do is keep both parts of me when I'm not wearing the dress.